And the Emotions Resurface….

He said that it’s not good to be alone…

that man was not created to be alone,

as I explained to him that I am alone but not lonely;

only to have him further engage in our one of many discussions

and try to “convince” me that I do battle with loneliness from time to time.

And at this we laugh as I vehemently deny my “sometimes loneliness”

and he pokes fun at me and my relationship with my two babies (my doggies);

I afraid of letting him know I’m not always the strong woman that I like to portray myself as…

Yet despite our playful manner in the presence of each other

and the bickering back and forth like 5 year olds afraid of catching coodies from each other;

he is who I secretly daydream of.

Yet, he day dreams of another, a prim donna…

someone whom I would and could never compete with,

see despite her beauty I have more depth and soul than she…

yet he fails to see this and we remain “just friends”,

Biz Markie is on repeat in my head…

I’ve written not countless letters but one…

simply one letter to God, so that He may guide this “friendship”…

I’ve left it at the alter, for what would be the purpose of prayer without faith…

so until our fate is revealed, faith is what I’ll carry with me…

until this friendship becomes more…

No Longer Waiting to Exhale…

I’ve realized that he was an experience that I had to go through to grow…I essentially had to lose myself in love (or what I thought was love) so that I could love myself better (Marsha Ambroisus, you could not have come up with a better song).

Two years later and 500,000 thousand running miles later, I’ve finally learned to exhale and let go of the things in the past…and just be free to be…

My Lack of Assertiveness

Whooo!!! I’ve survived the most grueling semester of grad school! OMG, between Principles in Health Policy and Management, Principles of Behavioral Science and Health Education and Principles of Epidemiology, my head was just above the water amid mentoring my 14yo mentee, being a good Mommy to my Lela bug, holding a position in Future Public Health Professionals and a full time job which I’ve nicknamed an evil necessary, I can rejoice in knowing that I’ve survived the semester with 2 Bs and an A! Amid the craziness of attempting to excel at my studies, I spent my birthday studying for finals and still have yet to celebrate. However, despite it all I cannot complaint because I have a goal in mind, which makes it all worth the hard work. But alas I can breathe… well until the 9th anyway, when my grad school summer hustle begins with rotations at the Florida Dept of Health (which I’m ecstatic about) and two courses leading up to my masters special project, which I have more than a good idea of what my research topic will focus on.

No longer being a young adult and officially entering adulthood has in fact been a learning experience. For one thing, I have learned that should I continue to climb the ladder of success of I must relinquish this passive aggressive attitude that I possess when it comes dealing with confrontation and must learn to a bit more assertive. I cannot emphasize how much I hate confrontation and will avoid any at all cost, but unfortunately, some confrontation cannot be avoided and must be dealt with. I’ve had three experiences (which I do not care to go into detail about) that have confirmed that my passive aggressive nature will get me no where on the road to success. I’ve realized that in attempting to be nice to other and trying not to step on any toes people tend to take my niceness and for granted and take me for weak, thus I’ve made up my mind to start laying everything out on the table of course without being a bitch about it at the same time…We’ll see how this attempt goes…