Conversations at the Deli Part 1

Girl usually brings in her lunch to work in attempt to save money. However said girl for the past month has been going to Publix on her 30min lunch break purchasing veggie wraps or sandwiches and sometimes avocado and bread (it’s the Haitian in her). Randomly, while waiting in the deli line, girl turns and notices this 6’5, of nice build clearly evident through the soft gray suit he wore, chocolate skinned brother with neatly coiled locks behind her. Perplexed for minute, she failed to acknowledge that it was her turn in line to place her order. Giving her order and walking toward the check out line, she thought to herself she was attracted to this unknown man for all the wrong reasons and dismissed his face from her memory.

Two days after her initial encounter with him, she sees said brother at the Publix once again. This time they both make their way together towards the deli line. With 4 people ahead of them, unknown brother decides to strike up a casual conversation with said girl about nothing in particular; all the while making her laugh through their brief conversations. For the next two weeks said girl and said brother randomly meet each other in Publix, partaking in brief 15-20min conversations.

Preparing for her entrance exam to grad school, said girl goes to the nearby Bagel shop to study. On her third day of studying, the now known brother coincidently appears in the bagel shop. Lifting up her head he flashes his pearly white teeth at her and says good morning. Confused at their meeting yet again, she replies good morning and asks is he stalking her jokingly. Making his way toward her table with his bagel and kiwi juice in hand, he replies no and implies that is may be destiny. And this is where he asks for her number, girl says to herself sarcastically, prepared to turn him down.

To be continued...

I...AM...NOT...A...RACIST

If there is any thing that I could yell at the top of my lungs besides the fact that I am beautiful and the many I love yous to loved ones currently in my life is that I...AM...NOT...RACIST!!! I know that one should not care about what others think, however as it relates to this particular topic it is something that I struggle with. I am really sick and tired of the berating comments and looks that I receive when it comes to my beliefs about my love mocha, caramel, chocolate and in between African American brothers and sisters. Yes my love for my race runs deep and I wholeheartedly believe in black love and the advancement of my race; however that should not be interpreted to mean that the premise for my beliefs are ethnocentric.

Reminiscing on a past experience when I was once  called a racist to my face by a white male counterpart (at which I was not only upset but also offended). In response to his statement I wrote him a lengthy email about my views justifying my beliefs. In retrospect I really didn't have to justify anything to him and really don't have to now, but feel the need to rant! I've even had to justify my beliefs to my mother once in high school, yet again she thought that I possibly was lesbian/gay at my semtiments towards the lesbian/gay population after I watched MTVs Matthew Sheperd movie towards my later years in middle school. Yet I digress.

I think that is sad that some would go as far as to  refer to me as racist when much of what I advocate for is the preservation of the African American race. Yes I may even be a bit on the extreme side with my views, may even be prejudice or biased, but never a racist. First and foremost blacks cannot be racist; in order to be racist the oppressive party has to hold some type of power and last time that I checked we as whole lack any power. More importantly, it would take alot to knowingly in return treat our white counterparts as they did during the time of slavery. Thus said, no I am inapable of being racist. Pro-Black, YES, but racist NO.

To be continued....my thoughts aren't yet complete lol

Feelings of Discouragement...?

For those days when we feel down and discouraged, don't look to others for encouragement, but look within yourself for assurance; the god in you will persevere.

If only we realize....

“We are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s business; we are each other’s magnitude and bond.”



Gwendolyn Brooks

Love Letter to Brown Skin Sisters

Black girls don't run anymore/we wallow in their sins/attempting to evade our current realities/accepting of our gross idiosyncrasies/ we become accepting of societal statistics/ ultimately accepting out plight/ we've become victims to diabetes, hypertension, High blood pressure, and a plethora of other diseases yet we still fail to run...

Tomorrow I will be running in my first 5K run, a goal that I've set up for myself 2009. I am ecstatic!!! I'm an avid jogger/run and run anywhere between 6-5days a week about 3mi per day. During my runs its unusual that I see brown skin women running, its my white female counterparts that  I see. I guess you'd consider me the minority runner on my morning runs. Mulling over the question as to where the sisters are on my morning runs I thought to myself maybe they're in the gym afraid of sweating out their perms or trying to keep their light skin complexion. But I realized when I did have a membership at the local campus gym there were only a handful of brown skin sisters there also.

So where are you ladies??? (Cupping my hands to my mouth) "Where are you ladies?" I hope to God that its not the "new do" that is keeping us from staying fit, I would hate to buy into what some of my male counterparts agree to. All joking aside our community would so much much healthier if everyone participated in some type of  activity for 30mins at least 3-5times daily. Our unhealthy lifestyles is one thing that is ultimately within our control in a society that is said to keep our race from progressing, amongst the slew of other factors that are literally wiping out our community . Its time that we save our race/ community through physical fitness and good health.

So as I'm mentally preparing for my run tomorrow I hope that we seriously begin to think of our health. I don't have to and will not go into detail  about the overabundance of health related conditions in our community due to a lack of physical fitness. Do the research, the statics concerning the health of black women is appalling. During my run tomorrow in hopes of not coming in last my motivation and drive will be you, my sister and the beginnings to a better and healthier you.

Letters to Life

"There are times I miss it...you know being in a relationship...but when I really think about it I figure I can do without it for the time being and use that extra energy on my community and self improvement and growth!!!" were the words I posted on my facebook status a couple of days. 

The more into myself I get and the more I begin to fall in love myself over again the more I realize that I am ok with being single. It is not the end of the world! Life has too much to offer and there is too much to gain from life for me to worry about when it is prince charming will arrive, he'll arrive in due to time. My time of "singleness" (if you will), free of any responsibility to a man is dedicated to the lives of others that I am more than capable of helping through my many blessings. 

Untitled

(Not that he was a bad guy, we were unequally yolked, and I did not want to become Girl Melanie from The Game), always second in place, sometimes next to last lol)

I wrote a poem for you
Entitled it it gets Easier with time
But as we all know its a contradiction
Time has nothing to do with making it easier
So its incomplete

The other day I cried silent tears for you
After realizing what you told me
Validated that my time spent with you
Was nothing but a lie
I cried for allowing you
to have power over my emotions
And my being
For allowing you in
and breaking me down to
the very core
I cried because in spite of loving you
I forgot how to love myself
I cried because I was tired of
My constant state of confusion
And the emotional roller coaster ride I was still on

So the other day I wrote your name
on a piece paper...
And as I wrote the letters to your name
Memories of both joy and pain
Overwhelmed me, but the emotion of
Pain overtook that of the joy
As I bawled up your name
Neatly written on the blank piece paper
Along with "Confusion" written in parentheses
I felt this since of relief take hold, that of the joy
And came to realize if I never see your face again
Ill be fine
If I never speak to you again
I'll be fine
If I never hear from you again
I'll be fine

I've dated men who
Who provided me with more than you
Ever could possibly have to offer me
And sadly their only purpose was to show me
That there is better that awaits
Your better was never enough for me
Cause it was not meant for me but for her
"The girl that twirls" lol

As I made my way toward the small lit fire
The burning love that I once had for
Overtaking my own self love
Quickly dissipated
As I realized that we were never meant to be
And you were never worthy of my love
We were never a good match
Capricorns and Taurus' aren't a good match
So my friend tell me lol
But even more I prayed about it
And God whispered in my ear
That you were never worthy of my love
You never earned it
It was just handed to you freely

As I threw your name in the burning fire
Tears unexpectedly came to my eyes
But behind the tears I felt replenished
And I broke out into a smile

So long to what I once
Perceived as LifeGoods
Its been real lol
REAL