To love or not to love, that is the question at hand. While love is a beautiful gift (and God knows that it is), it takes work notheless. WORK! Imagine waking up to the same person for 20yrs. OMG really? Im pretty sure there has to be moments throughout that relationship where its like "Damn this mofo again". Yet there are the other moments where its all peaches and cream literally. I think of my parents; one day you have Romeo and Juliette (with the nickname calling and all, theirs are Me and Chu) and the next you get George and Weezy Jefferson. With them its literally a revolving door you dont know which couple you'll get.
Personally Ive been in love before and am still trying to figure out if I'll ever be out of love (do we ever fall out of love?). A friend asked me the other day, if I ever wanted to be in love again. My reaction: huh? I didnt answer the question immediately, it took me a couple of days actually, but my answer was yes...just not now. Why not now he asked.
One word: WORK! I dont want to work! I already work an 8hr shift sometimes more and life is essentially work with my friendships and family and school and all that jazz. I dont want to work with a boy. Seriously man. I want to play without all the seriousness. I want to wake up every morning singing, run my am route without a boy on my mind, I dont want to worry if Im sexy enough for him (cause Ive never been sexy and dont care to be Im cute and am content with that) or if he likes my hair or what have you. Nope, nope, uh uh I dont want that mess in my life...right now anyway. I want to simply enjoy life. I want to take on new challenges and explore different worlds. I dont want to worry about making someone else content. Dont get me wrong I understand that love is more than making someone content, I simply just dont want it...now.
Yet I know how God can operate sometimes, so should love spring up on me Lord please let him understand a couple of things. I need him to be free spirited yet faithful and understand that I dont want to WORK (that is at love). I need him to understand that I just want to shoot the breeze and kick it; no sex involved cause Im celibate. I need him to understand that I just want to be free and unrestrained, I want to me uninhibited and naturally me, with all my quirks and hang ups. I want him to simply love me for me and never ask me to change anything about me, not my hair or my pitch when I get excited; I need him to accept me for me and all that I am. I need him to understand (should he be Haitian) that I have yet to master the art of making rice (its all starch and carbs anyway) yet can throw down in the kitchen. Oh and should he be Haitian Lord sweet baby Jesus, I need him to know how to cook too and not have the played out womanly duties mentally. Lord, I simply want a love that is effortless and natural...but just not now. When? Idk.
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