My Lifes Crossroads

Currently I am at the peak of my game!!! I'll be turning 26 this Saturday and  graduating with a Masters Degree in Public Health in a little over a week! However despite all attention and focus being placed on me and my academic and career accomplishments,, these two factors in my life will not keep me warm at night. I cant help but measure my accomplishments against my friends and classmates, individuals whom don't only have degrees but are in committed relationships, some married and others expecting their first child. I on the other hand am no where near a committed relationship, let alone has a prospect (I thought I did, but that mission seem as though it will soon be aborted, sadly). My mother and father's words echo in my ear "Now you need a boyfriend!" as they have a desire for grandchildren as well. Although I am in no rush to get married or have children, it would be nice to have a significant other to share all my accomplishments with and to help build one another up in what life endeavors we wish to embark on. I don't know... while I love the few girlfriends I have I want someone to keep me warm at night...you know, someone special, and not short bus special....



Expressing my emotions to a male friend, he told me that I am too nice when it comes to men and sometimes men can be intimidated when it comes to what little accomplishments I've achieved and whether or not they measure up. The last ( I'm not sure if its quite over or am I still hanging on to something that isn't there) "situation" that I was in I'll admit that I was giving a little too much, but all that I did give was from a genuine place.  I really enjoyed what little time I and said person spent together, we shared a love for knowledge and truth that I have yet to experience with any man that I've dated. He was my breath of fresh air. I was hoping that he was a possible prospect, but in life as we all know nothing is ever guaranteed. While I don't regret anything that we did together, if I had to go back and do it all over again I probably would have held off on being intimate with him....I believe that single factor may have changed things a bit, besides me being emotional. 

These emotions that I battle with aren't emotions that I care to battle with, because I can not change how I feel, but I know they need to be expressed and not held bottled up inside. Whether or not I ever get to express these emotions to him (which I highly doubt, unless he happens to be following my blog) and let him know that I am currently missing him, someone that wasn't quite mine to begin with, I need to express how I feel and not run from my emotions, which I'm frequently apt to doing.

I don't know, I guess my intent in writing this blog is to express that I am currently missing someone who wasn't mine to begin with....