My Perspective on the Dynamic of a Man and Woman

Source

My thoughts in 03/2010...

It like the new hip thing to be besides being 16 and pregnant in our community. We're the generation of  Kelis' "Ms. Bossy", Beyonce's "Single Ladies", embarrassingly Lil Bossie's "I-N-D-E-P-E-ND-E-N-T", and not to mention new to the movement Helena Andrews' "Bitch is the New Black"...these are all descriptive of the   the new craze in our black community...the New Black Feminist Movement. I myself am a self professed feminist but not one characteristic of the aforemenetioned  names to the New Black Feminist Movement but one of the likes of Toni Morrison, Alice Walker, Nikki Giovanni, and Maya Angelou and the likes. I am part of the old school Feminist Movement despite my unfledged age of 23 soon to be 24. I am of the movement whence a woman knew her worth and value and walked with grace and class never letting a man degrade her, all the while letting the man take the lead when it came to leadership. I am of the feminist movement so eloquently depicted in Alice Walker's "Temple of  My Familiar" when women were equated to gods simply because it is through us that life is brought forth to the world.

Albeit being part of the old school feminist movement I have yet to become so blinded and misguided that my self proclaimed feminism will lead to further destruction of the black family structure..which honestly enough the new feminist movement is doing just that destroying what little of the black family structure is left. For instance at a get together with some friends I honestly and openly said that I would not mind being submissive and subservient to my husband should I one day get married. You can imagine how many sideways glances  I received for my so called "backwards" comment. Does the act of being subservient to a man make a woman any less of a woman or a feminist? Which brings me to the point of societies definition of submissiveness and subversiveness. Societies definition of subservient and submissive rubs too many women, specifically black women the wrong way. To some a submissive partner is descriptive of an individual who acquiesces to their partners "commands" while subservient in today's societal definition means to be "inferior" to your partner. Despite these definitions in true woman knows that the these words are not necessarily descriptive of the her role, if you will, in any relationship with he male counter, specifically black male counterpart.

My current thoughts...

While I still do believe in letting my man (that is whenever God, so chooses to deliver my God fearing and honest knight to me) should be the head of the houslehold, I also believe that he should also see me as his equal. By equal I dont mean the saying that "behind every good man there is good woman" but more like "beside every good man there is a good woman". I've toiled in too many conversations in trying to justify myself in my beliefs but I can not help how I feel. A couple of weeks ago I found myself justifying myself, yet again, among male friends in my beliefs in the dynamic between a man and a woman. To simply put it I want my man to be able to lead and take charge BUT while also taking me into consideration when making desicions that may affect me and our family. In the course of the conversation between I and my male friends, it was misunderstood that I needed to approve my husbands descisions, which is definitely not the case.

Playing devils advocate as they would happen to do so I was asked if I dont agree with a decision that my husband were to make, how would I take it. Well I'd have to take it in stride, I guess. Til do us part, right?

I think in not only being a feminist but also an individual who likes to have control over my surroundings and life, my fear is giving up the reigns to my life to a man who may not be capable of making the right decisions as it pertains to me. Thus in realizing this, I also realize that in choosing my mate I have to completly trust him in order to give up the reigns to my life and trust that he has my best interest at heart. I guess thats where prayer and God-like discernment comes in, so that I may make the right decision in whose hand it is that I may take in marriage...