Twenty Something Life Lessons...I Think

Life is never as kind as we all wish or hope that it is, even more love is not as kind as the love songs proclaim it to be. To combat life and love I pray, meditate and run to keep my boat afloat.

My last relationship was my first real love and all that jazz, no seriously it was as nonchalant as I may sound about it. However despite the good and bad, not talking to my ex for give or take 2-3mos, I’ve made many self discoveries about myself that, I probably would not have made should I have remained “friends” with him, as bad as I wanted to. Our (or more so his and I story) could have been one where we at one time lovers became best of friends (which truth be told was very much so on that path) but somewhere along the line, I think, no I know when he got a girlfriend, I had to change the direction of my life story where it was no longer we (he and I) but simply my story. I realized that I could not still be friends with him and still harbor feelings for him, which I’m pretty sure still linger. It’s like that Deborah Cox and RL song, you know, “We Cant Be Friends” literally.

Holy Matrimony: "I's Married Now!"

Pascale and (insert name) sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage and the baby carriage. It’s every girls (black or white) dream to fulfill this childhood song in their womanhood. However I urge you stop! While I can honestly blurt out "I's married now!" it isn’t to the obvious. Claiming that I's married now is recognizing that I've brought this holy matrimony before God and asked for his blessings, claiming that I's married now is to become comfortable with the idea that I must be submissive to my husband as he is the type who demands a lot of attention and will not have it any other way should this relationship work; and by God this relationship is going to work, divorce is not an option. You know what they say what woman will not keep her marital duties, another woman will...yeah well over my dead body! "Well who you's married to Pascale" you may ask. Well it’s not your ordinary being, well matter of fact, he isn’t human at all. I's married to my career! That’s right, my career!

Let me give you a brief history of how we came to be. He (my career, that is) sought me out throughout my four years of undergrad. Initially courting Medical School, he watched from the sidelines as I was oblivious to his existence.

A People's Dreams...

"Dreams dont let go of people, people let go of their dreams"

   -P. DELaSoul

You...I Call LifesGoods

All the others were reduced to derogatory names, mostly a**hole and some in an attempt to erase them from my past, whatshisface/ But you I choose to call LifesGoods...

 

 

I'll Settle for the Loose Change....

A girl’s values (well in this case a black girls values) lie in her appearance (from the tip of her hair to the nail polish color on her toes) and the man that she most likely refers to as “my boo”, “my n*gga”, or what have you. However when a female grows up from a girl to a woman, those values begin to change as their mindset elevates (in most cases anyway). As I’ve gotten older (and mind you I’m only 24) my values have changed dramatically since I was 22yo. The past two years the divine powers that be have seriously been doing some work on me and those changes reveal themselves to me each and everyday.

In the past two years I’ve discovered this new found joy of mine called running. Yes running! I believe that this love for running has always been within me (my mind back tracks to the time, when Ashley West, now a track runner, beat me in a relay race during our 6^th grade field day, after I had more than a lead on her); I’ve only recently learned how to exercise my love for it. Thus said, I run about 5.5miles anywhere from 5-6times a week, it’s literally my daily high. So as expected, running about 50miles per week one inevitable begins to shed some excess weight and bring sexy back; one’s clothes begin to hang and begin to form what I like to call “loose/spare change” in that area, you know the one that Kim Kardashian not only has men drooling over, but also women…yup the derrière. Yes, lately I’ve been having a little trouble in the area of my dress, everything literally just hangs; each and every last one of my work pants has to be safety pinned together, as a result of them literally falling from my waist line, it’s ridiculous I tell you…just pure madness. The simple solution would be to just go out and buy new clothes…right? Wrong! But what’s the point if I’m only expected to lose more weight as I have yet to figure out how to maintain my weight without giving up my daily high. This has been my thought process for some time now, especially after realizing brand new slacks not even two months old now must be clipped together by a safety pin (shaking my damn head).

What About the Children....

Lately there has been this constant factor pulling at my heart, an uncontrollable feeling that is sometimes overwhelming and creeps up on me unexpectedly. Each and every moment that this unexpected feeling arises with a flood of emotions I have to hold back the tears and breathe. Every time that I encounter their innocence not yet touched by the evils of the world my heart melts. That one aforementioned factor being our youth. On an am run to Publix, last Friday to pick up my Naked fruit smoothie, I caught sight of a mother's  three little boys engaged over a deep conversation about their toys as they sat all lined up in their green kiddie cart,  it was the most precious thing, I could not help but smile. That following Saturday, during my usual am run, my heart leaped at the sight of a little boy running side by side with whom I'd assume to be his father. But what got me was when little man could no longer keep up with his daddy, he stopped and put his little hands on his mohawk shaven head as to open his air ways and catch his breath as most runners frequently do.

Not quite sure at these random heart felt events if its my maternal instinct/ biological clock  that is signaling that I am ready to bear children, Ive learned to suppress those feeling for sometime now, acknowledging that I am no where near ready to begin to even think about having children of my own. Realizing that you literally have to give up your life as an individual and sacrifice your being for your seed I can honestly say that I am not yet ready to sacrifice my being for my unborn seed, which some may say is selfish. Life has too much to offer and I have too much to offer life to sacrifice myself solely for the needs of my own seed. 

Despite my biological clock's on-switch for me to start pro-creating and bring forth little mini mes and mini-hes (whoever he may be) I realize that there is also a need to make a difference in the lives of so many children who may have not been blessed with the same privileges that I've been blessed with. Watching an HBO documentary the other night about the lives of homeless children my heart was torn to pieces when one little boy was asked what did he have to look forward to in the future, he simply shrugged his shoulders and replied "I have nothing to look to forward to". At his words, tears welled up in my eyes and I cried as if these were word that fell from the lips of my own yet to be conceived child.