Lately there has been this constant factor pulling at my heart, an uncontrollable feeling that is sometimes overwhelming and creeps up on me unexpectedly. Each and every moment that this unexpected feeling arises with a flood of emotions I have to hold back the tears and breathe. Every time that I encounter their innocence not yet touched by the evils of the world my heart melts. That one aforementioned factor being our youth. On an am run to Publix, last Friday to pick up my Naked fruit smoothie, I caught sight of a mother's three little boys engaged over a deep conversation about their toys as they sat all lined up in their green kiddie cart, it was the most precious thing, I could not help but smile. That following Saturday, during my usual am run, my heart leaped at the sight of a little boy running side by side with whom I'd assume to be his father. But what got me was when little man could no longer keep up with his daddy, he stopped and put his little hands on his mohawk shaven head as to open his air ways and catch his breath as most runners frequently do.
Not quite sure at these random heart felt events if its my maternal instinct/ biological clock that is signaling that I am ready to bear children, Ive learned to suppress those feeling for sometime now, acknowledging that I am no where near ready to begin to even think about having children of my own. Realizing that you literally have to give up your life as an individual and sacrifice your being for your seed I can honestly say that I am not yet ready to sacrifice my being for my unborn seed, which some may say is selfish. Life has too much to offer and I have too much to offer life to sacrifice myself solely for the needs of my own seed.
Despite my biological clock's on-switch for me to start pro-creating and bring forth little mini mes and mini-hes (whoever he may be) I realize that there is also a need to make a difference in the lives of so many children who may have not been blessed with the same privileges that I've been blessed with. Watching an HBO documentary the other night about the lives of homeless children my heart was torn to pieces when one little boy was asked what did he have to look forward to in the future, he simply shrugged his shoulders and replied "I have nothing to look to forward to". At his words, tears welled up in my eyes and I cried as if these were word that fell from the lips of my own yet to be conceived child.
In a day and time when we've become caught up with current world events such as BP and the now synonymous Gulf Coast or the unemployment in America and the now popular upcoming presidential race in Haiti, some of us who really care can not help but ask, "What about the children?" Have we forgotten about the seeds of the world and thus our future?
Ive recently been accepted as a Big Sister in my city and realize that its something that Ive always wanted to do, mentoring that is. However looking back I believe that children were always at the forefront of my heart, from volunteering at at a lactation and lamaze center at Mercy Hospital during my high school years while also volunteering at my old pre-school in Miami (I wonder how Liam is doing, he was my favorite) to participating in America Reads during my undergrad years in college, children have always been at the epicenter of my heart. So it really does sadden me to know there are many whom have been raped of the their God given innocence and subjected to the evils of their environments; those who are in need of guidance and a sense of security which for some ungodly reason they were not blessed with. So as I embark in this new chapter in my life as I am now on the path to earning my masters degree in Public Health, I hope to share my life secrets with a young lady who is in need of helping hand to reach her goals and aspirations. I know all too well the importance of having a successful black female role model present in your life as I had three who had just as much to do with my up bringing as my very mother; Nancy Ancrum of the Miami Herald ,my 11th grade AP English teacher Ms. Leslie Borge and my senior year college mentor Dr. Tamara Bertrand who taught me that it was OK to be myself and not to allow my hunger for knowledge and success be something that I was ashamed of. I hope to leave a mark on the life of my mentee as these aforementioned women made in my life.
In a day and time when we've become caught up with current world events such as BP and the now synonymous Gulf Coast or the unemployment in America and the now popular upcoming presidential race in Haiti, some of us who really care can not help but ask, "What about the children?" Have we forgotten about the seeds of the world and thus our future?
Ive recently been accepted as a Big Sister in my city and realize that its something that Ive always wanted to do, mentoring that is. However looking back I believe that children were always at the forefront of my heart, from volunteering at at a lactation and lamaze center at Mercy Hospital during my high school years while also volunteering at my old pre-school in Miami (I wonder how Liam is doing, he was my favorite) to participating in America Reads during my undergrad years in college, children have always been at the epicenter of my heart. So it really does sadden me to know there are many whom have been raped of the their God given innocence and subjected to the evils of their environments; those who are in need of guidance and a sense of security which for some ungodly reason they were not blessed with. So as I embark in this new chapter in my life as I am now on the path to earning my masters degree in Public Health, I hope to share my life secrets with a young lady who is in need of helping hand to reach her goals and aspirations. I know all too well the importance of having a successful black female role model present in your life as I had three who had just as much to do with my up bringing as my very mother; Nancy Ancrum of the Miami Herald ,my 11th grade AP English teacher Ms. Leslie Borge and my senior year college mentor Dr. Tamara Bertrand who taught me that it was OK to be myself and not to allow my hunger for knowledge and success be something that I was ashamed of. I hope to leave a mark on the life of my mentee as these aforementioned women made in my life.
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